Benjamin Netanyahu Quickly Eats Pizza Before Biden Makes Him Share It

Mon. December 07, 2020

Parts of this satirical piece where written by AI

JERUSALEM—Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu ate a pizza right in front of Mahmoud Abbas before U.S. President-Elect Joe Biden could make him share it, sources confirmed Tuesday.

"I'm sorry, Mr. President-Elect," said Netanyahu, who had already eaten three slices of the pizza and was in the process of consuming a fourth. "But I just couldn't wait any longer."

Biden reportedly attempted to make Netanyahu share his pizza with Abbas, but the Israeli leader refused.

"No way am I going to let this guy have even one bite of my pepperoni," said Netanyahu, adding that he would not be satisfied until he had consumed every last morsel on the plate. "This is my pizza now."

Sources confirmed that Biden then tried to take away Netanyahu's slice of pizza by force, but was unable to do so because only an acting US President has the power to make an Israeli Prime Minister share food. The President-Elect then asked if there were any other pizzas available for him and Abbas to share instead, but all nearby pizzerias had closed early due to Yom Kippur observances.

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