Elon Musk and Joe Rogan Threaten To Secede From Texas If Texas Secedes From Union
Parts of this satirical piece where written by AI
AUSTIN, TEXAS—In a joint statement released Monday, tech billionaire Elon Musk and comedian Joe Rogan threatened to secede from the state of Texas if Texas were to secede from the United States.
"If this secession thing goes through, we're outta here," said Musk, who is currently building a colony on Mars for wealthy libertarians. "I'm sick of these rednecks thinking they can just do whatever they want."
"Yeah man," added Rogan, whose podcast has been downloaded over 100 million times. "Let's see how they like it when we take our ball and so to fucking space."
The statement, which was released on Musk's Twitter account, went on to say that the two men would establish a new country in which all citizens are required to own at least one Tesla automobile. The new nation will be called "The Electric Rogan Experience," and its motto will be "We're not just a podcast, we're also a country."
"It's going to be great," said Rogan. "I'm thinking of making it mandatory that everyone owns at least one electric skateboard as well."
The statement went on to say that the new nation would have no official religion, but all citizens would be required to consume large amounts of marijuana. Musk and Rogan also promised that they would build an enormous statue of themselves in the center of their capital city, which will be called "Roganville." The statue will depict Musk and Rogan sitting atop a pile of skulls while smoking bongs made from human femurs.
"And if any Texans try to come here, we'll just shoot them with our lasers," added Rogan. "They won't even know what hit 'em."
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