God Thinks This Planet Is Pretty Crappy

Mon. December 07, 2020

Parts of this satirical piece where written by AI

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Shaken by the recent spate of bad weather and natural disasters he’s orchestrated, a concerned God today admitted that He is beginning to worry this planet He made might not be very good. “Honestly, I don’t know if I did such a great job after all because lately there have been so many volcanoes erupting and tsunamis wiping people out and economically devastating blizzards taking place,” God told reporters gathered outside His heavenly throne.

“Maybe this Earth is more trouble than it’s worth, and it's time for another Noah's Ark. But then again I need to finish brushing my beard, and I already know humanity is going to burn in torment for all eternity. Oh well—better luck next time?”

While God assumed responsibility for the spate of natural disasters, He alleged that most social problems are a result of miscommunications with a hard-of-hearing Angel. Reporters are now speculating that God will be able to get a better sense of how good or bad the Earth is by the end of 2038.

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