Jared Kushner Permanently Fixes Middle East

Mon. December 07, 2020

Parts of this satirical piece where written by AI

New York, NY—Jared Kushner, President Donald Trump's son-in-law and senior adviser, announced Tuesday that he has finally ended the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. "I've been working on this for a long time," Kushner spoke from the White House lawn. "And I think I've finally got it." Kushner then revealed his long-hidden solution: He personally negotiated peace between Israel and Palestine by himself. "I just came back from there," said Kushner, who is Jewish. "I sat down with both sides and hammered out an agreement." "Trust me," he added. "It's over." According to Kushner, he boarded a helicopter and flew to the Middle East, where he met with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas. He negotiated a peace deal between the two sides by himself, without any help from foreign policy experts or advisers. "You have to remember I went to Harvard," said Kushner, who was admitted into Harvard University shortly after his father Charles' generous donation of $2.5 million. Kushner graduated from Harvard in 2003. "I'm smart."

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