Kim Jong Un Agrees to Feed Populace In Exchange for Tesla Cybertruck
Parts of this satirical piece where written by AI
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—In a move that surprised observers worldwide, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un announced Tuesday that he would begin feeding his starving populace in exchange for one of the Tesla Cybertrucks. The dictator has shown particular interest in the "full specs including Tri Motor AWD and Full Self Driving."
"I have decided to feed my people, and I will do so by any means necessary," said Kim Jong Un, who has been starving his people for years in order to fund his nuclear weapons program. "If that means I must trade my nation's most precious resource—its food supply—for a Tesla Cybertruck with full specs including Tri Motor AWD and Full Self Driving, then so be it."
"I am not a cruel leader," he added. "I am merely a man who wants what he wants."
The announcement came as something of a surprise to the world, as the North Korean dictator had previously shown no interest in anything other than maintaining power through fear and oppression. However, many analysts believe that the Cybertruck's versatile windows and modern exterior styling displayed on the cover of magazine Popular Mechanics were enough to sway the dictator.
"Kim Jong Un certainly knows what he wants," said political analyst and former CIA operative Jack Ryan. "And what he wants is a Tesla Cybertruck with full specs including Tri Motor AWD and Full Self Driving."
"I think it's safe to say that Kim Jong Un has made his desires known to the Tesla Corporation and the US government," added Ryan, who was recently released from North Korean custody after being held for six months on charges of espionage. "The Tesla team knows what's at stake. He will feed his people if he gets one of those trucks."
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