New York Post Slut-Shames War Hero For Wearing Thong During Torture

Mon. December 14, 2020

Parts of this satirical piece where written by AI

NEW YORK—A New York Post editorial published Sunday called for the resignation of U.S. Army Sgt. Jessica Lynch, who was captured by Iraqi forces in March 2018 and was later rescued in an operation that killed at least seven Iraqis, after photos surfaced showing her wearing a thong bikini while being tortured by her captors.

"The American people have every right to expect their soldiers to maintain a high standard of decorum," read the editorial, which ran under the headline "Lynch's Thong: A National Disgrace." "And that standard is certainly not met by wearing a thong bikini while being tortured. It is our belief that the only way to restore dignity to this situation is for Sgt. Lynch to tender her resignation, effective immediately."

"If she refuses, we call on President Trump to relieve her of duty," the editorial continued. "We also demand that all photos and video footage of Sgt. Lynch in a thong be destroyed, so as not to further sully the reputation of our brave soldiers."

The Post's editorial board went on to say it was deeply disturbed by reports of Lynch's behavior, and that she should take example from other war heroes like John McCain, who kept all his clothing on while being tortured in a 112-degree Vietnamese interrogation room.

"We're not saying that wearing a thong during torture is the same as being a traitor to the nation," said Post editor-in-chief Susan Edermint.

"I'm just saying that if I was ever captured and had my nails pulled out one by one, I'd have the decency to keep my pants on," she added. "It just doesn't seem like something a real hero would do."

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