North Korea Approves Starvation as Emergency Treatment For Starvation

Mon. December 07, 2020

Parts of this satirical piece where written by AI

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—In a move that has been hailed as "bold" and "courageous," by all members of the North Korean government, the North Korean government announced Tuesday that it will begin treating its starving population with starvation.

"We have decided to treat our people's malnourishment by allowing them to starve," said O Chun-bok, head of the nation's Ministry of Health. "This is an innovative approach which we believe will be effective in restoring our citizens' health."

According to Chun-bok, North Korea's hospitals are completely stocked with enough food for all their patients, and for "the whole starving populace of South Korea," but food will not be handed out to patients in order to better treat their ailments. Chun-bok denied that by allowing its people to continue going hungry until they die or are eaten by wild dogs and rats, North Korea can avoid having to spend money on food imports from other countries.

"It is true that many of our citizens are suffering from malnutrition right now," said Chun-bok during a press conference at Pyongyang Hospital No. 1, where she was surrounded by emaciated children who were being treated for severe diarrhea caused by eating grass and tree bark because there was no food in their homes or schools. "But this new treatment plan should help us get them back on their feet quickly."

Chun-bok went on to say that if his plan works well in North Korea, she would like to see it implemented throughout the rest of Asia and Africa as well as parts of Europe and South America, where millions more could benefit from starvation therapy.

"I think this is a great idea," said Supreme Leader of North Korea Kim Jong-un, who was last seen picking the gold flakes and caviar from his pizza. "I mean, a little dieting never hurt anybody."

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