Ruthless McKinsey Executive Recommends He Gets Terminated Without Pension

Mon. December 07, 2020

Parts of this satirical piece where written by AI

NEW YORK—In a move that has shocked Wall Street, ruthless McKinsey & Company consultant James "The Hammer" McNamara recommended Monday that he be terminated without pension. McNamara, who was instrumental in the firing of hundreds of employees at Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan and advised ICE to cut spending on food and medical care for migrants, said he fully supports his own termination from the consulting firm after calculating that it would marginally improve the bottom line. "I have always been a man who puts the needs of my company first," McNamara said. "And if this is what it takes to ensure our future success, then so be it." McNamara's decision stunned many on Wall Street, where analysts had expected him to fight for his job with every fiber of his being. But instead, McNamara calmly accepted his fate and even offered suggestions as to how best to carry out his termination. "I think they should do it quickly and cleanly," McNamara said. "A bullet through the head or an ice pick in the eye would probably work best." McNamara's termination only occurred after a series of meetings with McKinsey & Company Global Managing Partner Kevin Sneader, who reportedly told McNamara that firing employees was mainly a technique to justify themselves to clients. "I'm not sure what happened," said Sneader, who refused to elaborate on the reasons for McNamara's termination. "But I can tell you this: It had nothing to do with his performance."

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