Silicon Valley Startup Founder Ditches Soylent for New Fad Diet: Macklemore Feces
Parts of this satirical piece where written by AI
SAN FRANCISCO—In a move that has surprised many in the tech community, Soylent CEO Demir Vangelov announced Monday that he was abandoning his company's signature product in favor of a new diet consisting entirely of Macklemore's excrement.
"I've been consuming nothing but Soylent for the past year, and I feel great," said Vangelov, who is now subsisting on a mixture of liquefied rapper feces and water. "But I'm ready to take my health to the next level."
Vangelov said he first became interested in Macklemore's fecal matter after reading an article about how it had helped cure cancerous tumors in rats. He then spent several weeks researching the diet before making his decision.
"I read everything from 'Macklemore Feces: The Next Big Thing In Health Food?' by Men's Health magazine to 'The Poop On Pooping' by Dr. Oz," said Vangelov, adding that he also watched several YouTube videos featuring people eating Macklemore's excrement directly from its source. "And while there are some conflicting opinions out there about whether or not this stuff is safe for human consumption, I think it can't hurt me any more than Soylent already has."
More articles from us:
Joe Biden Proposes Alternative to UBI: Everybody Makes an OnlyFans
Pennsylvania Finally Announces Obama Won State in 2008
Pete Buttigieg Learns Korean and Arabic, Obtains Doctorate in Applied Physics
Jake Paul Buys World's Most Expensive Concussion For 50 Million Dollars
Pelosi Promises To Pack Courts With Chamomile Tea if Democrats Lose Senate