The City of San Francisco Declares it is Moving to Texas

Sun. December 13, 2020

Parts of this satirical piece where written by AI

In a stunning announcement, the City of San Francisco has tweeted that it is moving to Texas.

"We have been looking for a new home for some time," said Mayor London Breed. "And we think we've found one in Austin."

The move comes after years of strained relations between the city and its state government. The most recent incident occurred when Governor Gavin Newsom vetoed a bill that would have allowed San Franciscans to ride naked on public transportation. In response, the city's Board of Supervisors passed an ordinance requiring all state legislators to wear brightly colored sombreros at all times while within city limits.

"We had to do something," said Supervisor Aaron Peskin, who proposed the measure. "At the end of the day, the State of California needs to understand that San Francisco can do whatever the hell it wants."

"If we move to Texas, we won't have to pay the high California taxes or deal with the fires," said Supervisor Hillary Ronen. "And we might even be able to move out of our cramped 50 square mile studio plot of land."

"We also heard that the tech sector is thriving in Texas," said Supervisor Sandra Lee Fewer. "And we're hoping to get a job at one of the big companies there."

"I'm just glad I won't have to deal with Gavin Newsom anymore," said Breed. "He's such an asshole."

The move comes just days after Elon Musk declared that he is leaving California, but city officials denied that had anything to do with the move. "We're not leaving because Elon Musk left," said Breed. "We're leaving because Joe Rogan told us Texas has great elk meat."

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