Trump Reportedly Attempted To Deport Alien Species Before Discovering They Shared Norwegian Ancestry

Sun. December 13, 2020

Parts of this satirical piece where written by AI

WASHINGTON DC—In a move that has shocked the nation and sent shockwaves through the intergalactic community, President Donald Trump reportedly attempted to deport an alien species before discovering they had Norwegian ancestry.

"I was just doing my job, you know?" said Trump, who has also been criticized for an executive order banning imports of dark matter from seven Zorgslim-majority planets. "I mean, I'm the president—it's my job to protect America and its citizens. And when I saw these creatures in a briefing video, they looked like monsters to me."

The species in question are known as Grumgarrexicans, an alien race that inhabits the planet Grumgarrexico. According to the video, Grumgarrexicans are a peaceful people who enjoy long walks on the beach and listening to Norweigian folk music.

"I mean, I'm not racist or anything," said Trump. "But when I saw these things in that briefing video, they looked like monsters to me."

Trump's executive order has been met with widespread criticism from both sides of the political spectrum. Many have accused him of being xenophobic and bigoted against an entire species based solely on their appearance. However, Trump insists he was simply doing his job as president by protecting America from what appeared to be dangerous aliens.

"If you look at them closely enough—and believe me, I did—they're clearly monstrous creatures," said Trump. "They have tentacles for arms! And those eyes! They're just not human eyes."

However, Trump completely reversed his position on the Grumgarrexicans after learning that they were in fact a species of Norwegian.

"We have to learn to make peace with this beautiful alien race," said Trump. "They're just like us, except they have tentacles for arms and their eyes are a little bigger."

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