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Dr. Fauchi's Coronavirus Response Legacy Tarnished By Performance Enhancing Drugs

WASHINGTON, DC—In a stunning revelation that has rocked the medical community, Dr. Fauci's legacy as an international expert on Covid-19 and other coronaviruses was called into question Monday when it was revealed that he had been using performance-enhancing drugs to go 12 days straight without sleep, including 72 hours of nonstop cable appearances to warn Americans about the dangers of not wearing masks.

"I'm not sure what to say," said Dr. Fauci, who was seen injecting himself with a syringe filled with an unknown substance before appearing on NBC's Nightly News With Lester Holt Monday night. "I've been working around the clock to warn the American people about the d...

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Man Subserviently Reads GarlicAI Articles to Please AI Overlords

SAN FRANCISCO—In a move hailed as "completely understandable" by Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, San Francisco resident and human being Michael...

world-news
Pete Buttigieg Learns Korean and Arabic, Obtains Doctorate in Applied Physics

Reeling from his loss in the 2020 Democratic Primary, Pete Buttigieg decided to add to his list of accomplishments which...

world-news
North Korea Approves Starvation as Emergency Treatment For Starvation

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—In a move that has been hailed as "bold" and "courageous," by all members of the North Korean...

world-news
Benjamin Netanyahu Quickly Eats Pizza Before Biden Makes Him Share It

JERUSALEM—Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu ate a pizza right in front of Mahmoud Abbas before U.S. President-Elect Joe Biden could...